Me and my love.
I guess I should start out by posting a little bit about myself.
I am 24 years old and my boyfriend Greg of two weeks shy of 3 years is 61. This is my third long-term age gap relationship. I will talk about the first and third because the second one was a mistake and a loser.
The first relationship was my psychology and human sexuality professor. It was a tragic yet beautiful period in my life. I was 19, had just graduated from high school where I was hopelessly in love with my English teacher that I had become close friends with. It tore me up everyday being away from him. He was all morals and I was the weird girl in school but yet we became friends and are still. Marcus was my professors name. He was 51, newly widowed with a 6 mouth old baby girl.
It was the second day of school when I was sitting in the hallway in front of the classroom where my psychology class was to be held. I noticed a professor-esque man out of the corner of my eye only to look up into his green eyes glaring down at me as he passed me by. I had never felt such an intense experience. I was sure my heart stopped beating if only for a brief moment. I tried everything to get his attention over the next few months. Just when I felt like giving up he asked to talk to me after class. We wound up in the garden just outside of the doors of his class. He counseled me on my high school teacher whom I still had deep feelings for and he told me not to give up, that I should go tell him how I felt because I deserved an answer. He told me that his wife that had recently passed was a fellow professors student of the previous college that he had thought at and that for over a year she begged him to date her and one day she had convinced him and they ended up married shortly after.
I went home, called him and instead of telling him how I felt I proceeded in talking about Marcus out of nervousness. My friend replied with “I will never understand why you like older men!” The comment that he had made hurt me so badly that the next day I ran to Marcus in tears. He comforted me as I cried and in a upset rage I told him I wanted nothing to do with my high school teacher anymore. So he then asked me out. My parents were horrified because up until this point my attraction to older men was “just a phase”. But it wasn’t I loved older men and I always have. Ever since I was a child I remember flirting with older men and shying away. Always not understanding I had a crush on them. Until I reached Jr high and the only friend I had dubbed me “Lolita”. It was then that I found myself in Nabokov’s novel. I realized I wasn’t the only one in the world who love others that were not my age.
Marcus and I went out the day after Thanksgiving. He took me out to eat, then to meet his best friend, and then told me he had to go home to walk his dogs. I went with him. I remember it being cold outside. We stood under a streetlight and I snuggled up in his jacket and it was then when we kissed that I knew I loved him. He was the guy I had spent my life dreaming about. Everything about him was what I had hoped for. In my eyes he was perfection incarnate. We went up to his apartment where we watched Manhattan and cuddled. When the credits started to role thats we he made love to me. It was everything I had ever dreamed losing my virginity to be. It was beautiful. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t relive it in pieces in my mind.
After a few month of being together we talked about getting married. My parents tried their damnedest to rip me away from him. It was hell every day. I felt broken. My family was falling apart all because I was with someone I loved. It was unfair and I found it hard to enjoy life with him because of my home life, raising a baby and the fact that we had to hide from students and staff. I sat in front row and I felt as though every time I looked at him that someone would call us out. I had to hide it from my friends other than my best friend whom I told and stopped speaking to me. It was destroying me and our relationship in just a matter of months. And then March hit and things got worse all we did was fight because neither of us could take the stress. My parents stepped in and told the school board about us and told me to choose the family or him. I choose them.
I dropped out of school. He luckily did not get fired. We parted ways. Over a year went by and then we began talking again. During our last conversation he told me that was was going to kill himself and that he wanted me to know that he loved me. Two months later he committed suicide. I blamed myself. He was broken. I love him. Why couldn’t I fix him. His sister found a note that he had wrote me telling me he no longer could live without me.
My current boyfriend helped me and his sister clean his apartment out and he took me to the funeral and held my hand while I feel apart. That was almost two years ago. My heart still breaks a little everyday. It doesn’t get better… time just goes by and memories begin to weaken.
Despite loosing Marcus, the man I loved and lost, I still have the most wonderful thing life has given me. My boyfriend. The love of my life. I am lucky to have had two amazing men in my life who I loved and that have loved me back. I still can’t believe how lucky I have been.
People judge me for loving older men. But I don’t care. So what I am different? At least I except my oddness and not only that but I embrace it because without doing so I would have never loved and been loved the way I have. So this tumblr is for all the girls out there whos families and friends just don’t get it, or who have to hide that they are attracted to older men for fear of the unknown. Don’t fucking listen to what others say. You aren’t weird. You just have better taste than most girls and you are more intellectual. I hope my putting this out there helps even one girl because then it was worth the effort.
Feel free to write me with any questions or if you just need someone to talk to. Because I know how hard it can be and how horrible and mean people can be when they don’t understand you. I have had to fight for the right to love who I want my entire life but it was worth it.
I will be posting age gap couples, movies, songs, quotes, and poetry on here. Pretty much everything older man/younger girl.